OH NO! I WASN’T EXPECTING THIS!

Terrible news, my surrogate didn’t pass her screening. I can’t believe it.  I can see that you can’t get emotionally attached to anyone until her screening is over and all papers are signed. I hope it doesn’t take to long to find another candidate.

She was very nice, but unfortunately my ivf doctor recommended that I look for another candidate.

Really upset!

Amanda

A FEW DAYS WAIT

The clinic and the team have to screen the surrogate and / or doner. They have to make sure there is no medical reason which can reduce the success rate of the whole cycle.

As I already mentioned, the want- to- be surrogates are all very keen to be a surrogate, but not all can be candidates.

The egg doner (if required) is just as important as egg quality will be one of the key points to the success of the pregnancy.

In the meantime, I will review the agency retainer agreement.

Amanda 

MY FIRST CONVERSATION WITH THE SURROGATE

When I spoke to my surrogate on the phone, I must say I got a really good impression.

If both the surrogate and the intended parents like each other’s profile, the first conversation between the two parties is organized via the agency. You can meet the surrogate in person if you wish but since I am an international client, we had our first conversation on the phone.

I gave her my reasons for having taken this decision and to be honest, she was very understanding. I asked her why she had decided to be a surrogate. It must be a bit weird have a new life growing inside of you and knowing that once you give birth 9 months later that baby isn’t yours. I honestly think  it’s very brave.

Amanda

THE FIRST STEP

The agency’s main mission is to find the best surrogate for you.

The waiting period in my case has been around 2 months. First of all you receive her profile information via email and you also have to fill in a questionnaire for her to review as well.

The questions are subjective, there is no right or wrong answer, it’s just a reflection of your opinion and thoughts on the whole project.

If both parties agree, the next step is a call with the surrogate, intended parents and the agency. You can also ask for a personal meeting with the surrogate but of course this is more difficult with international clients.

It is a mutual agreement between both parties, that is, the intended parents choose the surrogate, but she will also have to choose the intended parents.

The agency plays a key role in the success of the project.

Amanda

WHO IS INVOLVED (2) … THE AGENCY (2)

As I was saying, there is a lot at stake: Our dream, our money, our emotional stability.

So many mixed feelings, fear, hope, loneliness. It’s such a long and complicated process and for some it’s our last hope.

This is why we need to trust the agency which we are going to work with as it will be to a certain extent up to their expertise that we achieve our goal.

I would say if you don’t fell 100% happy with the agency, stop, think and look for other options before signing with them

If you are going to hesitate about the agency which you have initially chosen, it’s really worth waiting a bit longer until you truly believe you are in good hands.

I am happy to say that I am in good hands,

Amanda.

WHO IS INVOLVED (2) … THE AGENCY (1)

The agency is one of the key pieces of the puzzle. The surrogacy agency and / or egg doner agency plays a primary role in the whole process. It is the agency that will accompany the Intended Parents throughout the whole process.

What are the main functions of the agency?

Advise and give support to the intended parents on the process dynamics, the costs, the parties that are involved, legal issues etc etc. The agency will also coordinate the surrogate, th IFV clinic, the egg and / or sperm doner if required and of course the intended parents.

The agency is in fact the representative of the surrogate and the intended parents at the same time. The legal link between the 2 is also established thanks to the agency as they will also give legal support if required. The intended parents can also, however, choose their own third party legal advice.

I would say it is really important to find an agency which you rely on. As international clients, we are very far away and perhaps some of us don’t speak English. We should confide in an agency that understands us and can relate to us but that is also experiences and gives us that ‘good vibe’ sensation.

There is a lot at stake.

Amanda.

WHO’S INVOLVED (2) … THE CLINIC

Due to the flexible laws in California, this fertility treatments in this state have become  worldwide pioneers. There are many clinics and the best fertility specialists are located in California.

All the clinics publish their success rates on their websites. For instance, some clinics have an 85% success rate when using doner eggs with our without a surrogate.

The clinic and the medical team are of course one of the key pieces to the puzzle. My experience to date is that the professional approach of these clinics is commending. International fertility tourism is one of their strengths. This means that they are very used to treating people from around the world with different requirements and linguistic barriers.

Amanda.

WHO IS INVOLVED(1)? ... THE INTENDED PARENTS PART II

Who is involved? … The Intended Parents

The intended parents also have specific needs. But for some reason they have not yet managed to fulfill their dream.

It could be due to a fertility problem of both or one of the parents. It could be that the intended parents are actually single men or gay couples and have thus not been able to become parents yet. Or single women who would like to go to the US because of the big number of advantages of surrogacy in the state of California.

In some countries for instance, you cannot choose either the egg or sperm doner. In the US, however, you have access to medical, personal and educational information about the potential doner. You even get to see childhood photos at least of both sperm and egg doners.

In many countries it’s basically the responsibility of the IFV doctor and laboratory. This means that the Intended Parent has no say in the genetic make-up of his/her future child.

It’s a bit contradictory don’t you think? Would you like a lab assistant who you will most probably never see again to be responsible for choosing your future child’s genetic make-up?

Amanda