WAITING AND WAITING … FOR NOTHING. ANOTHER NON VIABLE PREGNANCY

I’ve been waiting and waiting for over a month to see if this is going to be a viable pregnancy and I’m afraid it’s not.

The first blood results were great, but the second warned us that this might not be a viable pregnancy. More waiting and more waiting. The third blood result wasn’t conclusive so we had to wait until the first ultrasound.

And the terrible news was confirmed, two sacs but no heartbeats. 

So I am devastated because this journey is just too difficult. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.

My surrogate will go in for a final ultrasound next week just to make sure that there is no heartbeat. We have been warned, the chances are very very remote so basically I have given up hope that this is going to be a viable pregnancy.

So now we are going to all need a few weeks rest so we can start again with our hopes up.

Amanda.

EMBRYO TRANSFER

5 days after retrieval my embryos were ready for transfer. Everything went as expected and now all we can do is sit, wait and see what happens.

Some clinics prefer 5 day transfers because the success rates are higher. If embryo development is good on day 2 after transfer and there are a few embryos, it is recommended to wait until day 5.

It all seems quite simple but waiting until day 5 means that the embryos have less possibilities of survival, so while on the one hand we get embryos with higher success rates once transferred to the mother’s uterus, we can actually lose a few between day 3 and day 5. So, we could end up at day 5 with hardly any embryos, but the ones which survived will be potentially better than the rest so higher success rates.

I think its up to the doctor to decide which is the best option, to move forward at day 3 after transfer or to wait until day 5 with possibilities of having few embryos for and transfer and perhaps none to freeze.

Amanda

IN VITRO (IVF) … A FEW ASPECTS

It is absolutely amazing how the current medical techniques have evolved. However, IFV is relatively new. I read an article not long ago that the 1^st IFV baby turned 34 this year.

It seems quite simple, the eggs (own or donor eggs) are fertilized by the sperm (own or sperm donor) outside of the uterus of the mother. After between 3 – 5 days the embryos are transferred to the intended mother’s uterus and the long pregnancy process begins until the baby is born. In this case of course we are transferring the embryos to the gestational carrier’s uterus.

An import aspect to consider is whether you want to use your own eggs or donor eggs. In fact, most of the surrogacy agencies also have egg donors.

If you have experienced fertility issues already, what would you prefer? Try to be the biological mother, that is, that your baby would be genetically related to you. Or would you prefer to be a parent no matter what?

Amanda.

STEPS FOR A SUCCESSFUL SURROGATE CYCLE

Step 1: Intended parents (IPs) should contact the clinic which has been chosen.

Step 2: There will be a consultation to explain the whole process.

Step 3: Normally you also have a consultation with nurse coordinator as she is the person who will follow-up medical examinations, coordination etc.

Step 4: Receive information on costs. It is very important before starting to know the estimated cost of a cycle.

Step 5: The surrogate programs an initial examination appointment. If she passes the initial appointment, some blood work is run to check for infectious diseases.

Step 6: The surrogate should call the first day of her menstrual cycle and then she can begin a mock cycle on day 3, 4 or 5 of her period. This process takes approximately 3 weeks. The mock cycle evaluates the surrogate’s response to the medication and checks if her uterine lining is at least 8mm thick.

Step 7: After the evaluation cycle is complete, the surrogate starts birth control pills so the real cycle can be coordinated.

Step 8: If not already done, the Sono-histerograma can be performed at the end of the evaluation cycle.

Step 9: The psychological evaluation must be completed for all parties involved

Step 10: Legal contracts between the IPs and the surrogate must be signed.

Step 11: After legal and once the clinic has a copy of the contracts, the nurse coordinator will check the exact dates for the complete course of treatment and medication protocol.
Amanda

NEW BEGINNINGS

So basically we had to start from the beginning again. The previous surrogate’s results weren’t good.

So back to step 1!!!

Fortunately a very nice new surrogate came along and all I can say is so far so good. We are at the last phase of the evaluation cycle and everything was looking really good.

However, a misunderstanding between the surrogate and the clinic has been the cause of having to start the evaluation cycle again  L

All I can say is that it was a simple misunderstanding and all that this means is a slight delay.

If it goes well, then we can start legal. Let’s see what happens in the next few weeks.

Amanda.

WHO KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO BE SUCH A BUMPY ROAD!

I am still waiting. I think my lesson this year is going to be ‘Be Patient’.

I do have another surrogate but she is still in the middle of her screen. The first phase when fine (ultrasound etc…) but one of her blood results wasn’t good and now we are having to repeat the blood tests.

I am feeling anxious as basically if the blood results come back negative again, the doctor advised that it was up to me if I wanted to continue or not.

The issue is the IgM value which is positive and should be negative. This means that she is currently exposed to the CMV virus which could cause problems during the pregnancy.

So before we move to the evaluation cycle, I need to make a decision when I get the blood results. Hopefully soon.

Amanda

STILL WAITING

I thought I’d better write a short post.  Still waiting for the right surrogate to come along.

From my short experience so far, all I can say is that you need to be patient. There are a series of steps that you have to go through and basically can’t go to the next step until the previous step is successfully completed.

So here I am at the initial ‘selection phase’: agency selected, clinic selected, agency retainer revised and approved and no in the middle of the process of selected my surrogate. Any doners that are required would also be selected here.

No rushing into things if you want this to be a success.

Amanda

OH NO! I WASN’T EXPECTING THIS!

Terrible news, my surrogate didn’t pass her screening. I can’t believe it.  I can see that you can’t get emotionally attached to anyone until her screening is over and all papers are signed. I hope it doesn’t take to long to find another candidate.

She was very nice, but unfortunately my ivf doctor recommended that I look for another candidate.

Really upset!

Amanda

A FEW DAYS WAIT

The clinic and the team have to screen the surrogate and / or doner. They have to make sure there is no medical reason which can reduce the success rate of the whole cycle.

As I already mentioned, the want- to- be surrogates are all very keen to be a surrogate, but not all can be candidates.

The egg doner (if required) is just as important as egg quality will be one of the key points to the success of the pregnancy.

In the meantime, I will review the agency retainer agreement.

Amanda 

MY FIRST CONVERSATION WITH THE SURROGATE

When I spoke to my surrogate on the phone, I must say I got a really good impression.

If both the surrogate and the intended parents like each other’s profile, the first conversation between the two parties is organized via the agency. You can meet the surrogate in person if you wish but since I am an international client, we had our first conversation on the phone.

I gave her my reasons for having taken this decision and to be honest, she was very understanding. I asked her why she had decided to be a surrogate. It must be a bit weird have a new life growing inside of you and knowing that once you give birth 9 months later that baby isn’t yours. I honestly think  it’s very brave.

Amanda

THE FIRST STEP

The agency’s main mission is to find the best surrogate for you.

The waiting period in my case has been around 2 months. First of all you receive her profile information via email and you also have to fill in a questionnaire for her to review as well.

The questions are subjective, there is no right or wrong answer, it’s just a reflection of your opinion and thoughts on the whole project.

If both parties agree, the next step is a call with the surrogate, intended parents and the agency. You can also ask for a personal meeting with the surrogate but of course this is more difficult with international clients.

It is a mutual agreement between both parties, that is, the intended parents choose the surrogate, but she will also have to choose the intended parents.

The agency plays a key role in the success of the project.

Amanda

WHO IS INVOLVED (2) … THE AGENCY (2)

As I was saying, there is a lot at stake: Our dream, our money, our emotional stability.

So many mixed feelings, fear, hope, loneliness. It’s such a long and complicated process and for some it’s our last hope.

This is why we need to trust the agency which we are going to work with as it will be to a certain extent up to their expertise that we achieve our goal.

I would say if you don’t fell 100% happy with the agency, stop, think and look for other options before signing with them

If you are going to hesitate about the agency which you have initially chosen, it’s really worth waiting a bit longer until you truly believe you are in good hands.

I am happy to say that I am in good hands,

Amanda.

WHO IS INVOLVED (2) … THE AGENCY (1)

The agency is one of the key pieces of the puzzle. The surrogacy agency and / or egg doner agency plays a primary role in the whole process. It is the agency that will accompany the Intended Parents throughout the whole process.

What are the main functions of the agency?

Advise and give support to the intended parents on the process dynamics, the costs, the parties that are involved, legal issues etc etc. The agency will also coordinate the surrogate, th IFV clinic, the egg and / or sperm doner if required and of course the intended parents.

The agency is in fact the representative of the surrogate and the intended parents at the same time. The legal link between the 2 is also established thanks to the agency as they will also give legal support if required. The intended parents can also, however, choose their own third party legal advice.

I would say it is really important to find an agency which you rely on. As international clients, we are very far away and perhaps some of us don’t speak English. We should confide in an agency that understands us and can relate to us but that is also experiences and gives us that ‘good vibe’ sensation.

There is a lot at stake.

Amanda.

WHO’S INVOLVED (2) … THE CLINIC

Due to the flexible laws in California, this fertility treatments in this state have become  worldwide pioneers. There are many clinics and the best fertility specialists are located in California.

All the clinics publish their success rates on their websites. For instance, some clinics have an 85% success rate when using doner eggs with our without a surrogate.

The clinic and the medical team are of course one of the key pieces to the puzzle. My experience to date is that the professional approach of these clinics is commending. International fertility tourism is one of their strengths. This means that they are very used to treating people from around the world with different requirements and linguistic barriers.

Amanda.

WHO IS INVOLVED(1)? ... THE INTENDED PARENTS PART II

Who is involved? … The Intended Parents

The intended parents also have specific needs. But for some reason they have not yet managed to fulfill their dream.

It could be due to a fertility problem of both or one of the parents. It could be that the intended parents are actually single men or gay couples and have thus not been able to become parents yet. Or single women who would like to go to the US because of the big number of advantages of surrogacy in the state of California.

In some countries for instance, you cannot choose either the egg or sperm doner. In the US, however, you have access to medical, personal and educational information about the potential doner. You even get to see childhood photos at least of both sperm and egg doners.

In many countries it’s basically the responsibility of the IFV doctor and laboratory. This means that the Intended Parent has no say in the genetic make-up of his/her future child.

It’s a bit contradictory don’t you think? Would you like a lab assistant who you will most probably never see again to be responsible for choosing your future child’s genetic make-up?

Amanda